Don't say that!

So, for those of you who don't read the comments for this blog, Connor developed this thing where his response was a variation of the scenario below:

Me: Connor, don't throw that. Please go pick that up
Connor: NO! YOU pick it up!

or

Me: Connor, don't do that.
Connor: NO! YOU don't do that!

Well, that was a wonderful phase of his and actually got me to chuckle to myself a few times. But, Connor's new thing is saying "No! Don't say that! I don't like that!" Usually the "thing that he doesn't like" is us telling him to be gentle with his sister, or to be careful of where he's kicking his feet (near his sister), or to listen to his parents or a variety of comments that we make that might indicate that we are concerned about what he is doing. Allow me to paint you a picture:

Location: Tam apartment living room
Time: weekday 5:30pm

Dad is sitting on the living room couch playing with baby Zoë. Connor, a two and a half year old boy, runs into the room and jumps onto the couch. Connor starts to grab Zoë's hands and pulls them towards him to kiss them.

Dad: Connor, be gentle.

Connor continues to pull and twist Zoë's arms.

Dad: Connor, calm down....Connor....

Connor does not seem to be hearing Dad and continues, now trying to pull Zoë by the arm in an attempt to kiss her face.

Dad: CONNOR! STOP! STOP!
Connor: NO! DON'T SAY THAT! I DON'T LIKE THAT!
Dad: Connor, you can't pull on Zoë's arms like that and be so rough with her. You can hurt her.
Connor: No! I DON'T like when you say that!
Dad: I'm sorry, but I'm going to say that because I don't want you to hurt Zoë.
Connor: But I want to kiss her!
Dad: Well, you have to be gentle. If you can't be gentle, then you can't kiss her.
Connor: NO! DON'T SAY THAT!
Dad: Connor, stop talking like that to Daddy. I don't like when you use that tone of voice.
Connor: NO! I DON'T LIKE THAT! DON'T SAY THAT!
Dad: Connor, please stop saying that. If you're upset, then tell daddy why, but don't scream at daddy like that.
Connor: (lowering his voice) I want to kiss Zoë...
Dad: Can you be gentle?
Connor: yes...
Dad: OK, here, give Zoë a gentle kiss.
Connor: *kiss*
Dad: OK, thank you, that was very gentle. Thank you.

Connor runs off and plays as if everything were ok. Dad looks at Zoë, rolls his eyes and says, "your brother is a monster!" Zoë looks at Dad and smiles a big goofy baby smile.

The situations usually vary, but the discussions are very similar. We've instituted a "quiet chair," which is pretty much the same as a "time out" and our discussions sometimes continue into the chair. So far the "quiet chair" is at least a little effective and he is able to sadly discuss what earned him time in the chair and he sadly apologizes afterwards. After he apologizes, he bounces off to do something happily and usually doesn't repeat the same offense for at least a little while. Luckily, Connor has been very loving to Zoë and we're not seeing any malicious jealousy behavior. Most of the time, he is just unaware of his strength, Zoë's fragility or his presence in relation to her.

On the one hand, it's probably good that Connor is able to convey that he doesn't like something and that he is able to stand up for himself. If some other kid in his school says something that he doesn't appreciate, then he should say "NO! DON'T SAY THAT! I DON'T LIKE WHEN YOU SAY THAT!" But, when it's directed towards me and I feel that my request is reasonable, it's a tad bit frustrating. Of course, reasonable is a very subjective thing, but when the request is: "Connor! Be careful! Don't stand on that stack of chairs! You're going to fall!" or "HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY! Don't touch those knives in the dishwasher!," I feel pretty justified in my requests no matter what he doesn't like to hear.

By the way, these "discussions" are really fun when they happen in the morning and we're already running late and need to get out the door to go to work, but he "didn't like" that I told him to put on his shoes/pants/eat his cereal/brush his teeth/etc.

Sigh, I can't wait to see what his next phase is going to be!